An Interview

B – You don’t know me. Don’t even pretend to know me. How would you even begin to know me? Did you grow up where I did? Have you even been to where I grew up? I didn’t think so. So maybe you’ll back the fuck off, eh? I had a hard life, always have. That’s why I have character. Not soft like some fucking people around here. You mind if I smoke in here?

A – No, that’s perfectly allowed.

B – Thanks. Now, what’d you want to ask me about, anyway?

A – Well, why don’t we start with your early life, where you grew up?

B – Alright, but don’t pretend like you know what it’s like. Some fucking people. Anyway, it was hard, mom was always at work, dad was always drunk, and me and my sister basically raised ourselves. It was hard, barely being able to feed ourselves. I had to scrap a lot too. Kids can be so mean, I know my dad’s a deadbeat! No need to rub my face in it. But he’s family, so I gotta defend him and I gotta beat those people up.

A – Is that when you first started fighting, or had you had some training before that?

B – Training? You kidding me? Training. Shit, if I had training they wouldn’t-a tried to pick fights with me so often. I learned how to fight by staying alive. It was just what I had to do to survive, and to protect Liz. She would’t fight like me, she’d just take it and hope to get through.

A – Would you have fought if you didn’t have to defend Liz?

B – That’s a tough one. I s’pose I would’ve, just not as much. I would’ve just fought enough for them to leave me alone. They always picked on her, though, she was frail, so she was an easy target, until I showed up, that is! They couldn’t touch her around me, although I s’pose they could’ve, now that I think about it.

A – Why’s that?

B – Well, a lotta the time I’d be real out numbered, there’d be like 7 or 8 of them, but because they never ganged up on me, wouldn’t be a fair fight. See, if you didn’t beat someone fair, it didn’t count, you lost cred that way, and what’s the point in fightin’ if people don’t fear you?

A – Did you keep that same mindset into your college career?

B – Yeah, I guess so. Still amazed I even got to college. I didn’t just wanna beat people. That was too nice. That’s how the spoiled kids would fight. The ones who’d been going to a studio to learn how to fight. I wanted them to fear me. I wanted them to dread getting in the ring with me. I didn’t even want them to consider being able to win. I never fought dirty, though, not once.

A – Did you have to deal with people who did fight dirty?

B – I guess so, yeah. I lost a few fights I shouldn’t of. I should’ve beat them, but sometimes I think they was cheatin’, sometimes I just wasn’t focused. That happens sometimes, yaknow? Sometimes you’d get in the ring and they wouldn’t of put a good opponent on the other side and it’s real easy to make new challenges for yourself. Not that I ever underestimated my opponents, just that I tried to make it harder on myself sometimes. Gotta win without changing levels, without using a particular move, yaknow?

A – Didn’t you change your challenge when you started to lose?

B – Nah, it was that honor code again. If I set myself up against a challenge I’m gonna see it through. Either I win or I don’t. That simple. They never win, though. I lose. Big difference there. If they won then they’d be better than me, which never happened.

A – How did your life change with Liz became ill?

B – Well, honestly, at first I didn’t know what to do. I really took it to people in the ring, just to get some of it out. Feelings, I guess? I dunno, I wasn’t really angry at first, I just felt a lot all at once.

A – Did you ever get angry about it?

B – Well, the hard part was there wasn’t no one to get angry at, yaknow? If there was someone clearly to blame, I coulda taken them out and at least felt better, but it’s not like you could fight cancer in the ring. Just don’t work that way. I had to trust the white coats to take care of her. I just paid the bills.

A – Were you worried about making ends meet then?

B – For me? Nah, I’ll always be fine. I just had to make sure they gave her what she needed. That’s all that really mattered, in the end. I’m still here, she ain’t. So she needed more than I did. I’m tough, I’ll survive.

A – Is there anything you would’ve changed about that time, how you acted?

B – Well, maybe. I mean, like I said I fought a little harder than I should’ve sometimes, which meant I couldn’t fight as often, with the sanctions and all. And I guess I could’ve gotten more money that way if I’d held back in some-a those fights, but I wouldn’t change it, no, then it wouldn’t have been me in the ring, or next to Liz in the hospital.

A – Tell me about when your mother died.

B – Wow, didn’t expect that one-two, I just finished talking about Liz! Give me a break here!

A – Would you rather talk about another subject?

B – No, like I said, I’m tough, I just wanted to worry you some. When mom died, it was…it was just weird is what it was. I mean, she’d always worked hard and helped out when she could, but she didn’t have many opportunities. Never sold her body, never stripped. Mom had pride, just like me. That’s where I got it from. But by the time she died, we’d drifted apart. Hadn’t talked for over a year, really. She affected me a lot better than dad ever did. Mom was a role model. Dad was an example of how to screw your life up.

A – Did you mother’s death change your relationship with your dad?

B – Hell no! He didn’t even show up for a week after we found out she was dying! I’m surprised he even made it before we lost her. He just asked if she’d “croaked” yet. The nerve of that guy. I guess that’s why they always told ya to use protection in school, some people shouldn’t ever have a kid. If it hadn’t been for me, he never would’ve stayed with her. And never should have. Sometimes, when I was younger, I used to wish I hadn’t been born, or that dad hadn’t known about me, so he would’ve left mom. Would’ve been better for her and for us.

A – Have you considered having a family at some point?

B – Well, it’s a thought I’ve had, but I haven’t found a man yet who can keep up with me, in the ring or out. I used to think that maybe, just maybe, if I could fight a guy and get beat, maybe then I’d have an equal. Never a better. No one’s better than me, but if someone could at least match me. But I’ve fought some of the best, and the others ran away and wouldn’t fight, who’s left to hold out hope for? I’ll probably just stay alone. It’s safer that way.

A – Safer in what way?

B – Well, no one can let you down if you’re alone. I’m not dependent upon anyone, so if anything bad ever happens to me, it’s my fault and I can change that.

A – Do you ever get lonely?

B – Sometimes, yeah, I guess. It’s better that way, though. I don’t want to get soft, and I would if I had someone in my life by this point. I always used to fight to protect Liz, then so they’d be scared of me. Now I’m just looking for anyone who can keep up, and I’m not gonna play any favors to the people I fight.

A – Have you considered retiring?

B – Well, not really, no. I probably should at some point, I guess, but I just don’t wanna. I’m not through yet. I think that’s the part so many people forget, you gotta get it out of you. Don’t worry about your legacy, don’t worry about your fans, the media, nobody but you. You gotta get it all out of your system before you can stop, even if it’s bad for your health. No matter how many times you get hit in the head, or break a bone. Just gotta keep going until it’s all done and out. The day I don’t want to is the day I stop fighting. I’ll still be the best, though, I will be until the day I die.

A – Any closing thoughts? We’re about out of time.

B – Well, I guess not really. My life has always been about fighting, in the alley where the parents wouldn’t see, in the ring, it’s all been the same. Didn’t matter the level I was fighting, I was always the best, and my opponents knew it. They always respected me and that’s all that matters. If people don’t respect and fear you, life doesn’t matter. And I know those are different things, but they’re both important in fighting. Fear is to keep them from taking the chances they need to in order to beat ya, respect is so they don’t take you lightly and you can get a real fight out of it. That’s where the fun of the fight is, watching someone give their all, work their hardest, and then still falling short because your best is better than their best. That simple. If only all of life were that simple. Politicians could just see who was better and that’d be that. Countries send a representative and fight for the world order. Especially since I’d always win and we’d be the best damn country in the world.

A – Glad to see you’ve still got that fighting spirit, thank you again for…

B – I’ll never lose that fighting spirit. Never.

A – I suppose that is true. Thank you again for letting me interview you.

B – No problem, seems the least I can do.