Spoons and Eggs

Well that was an unexpected image to show up in stumbleupon. Oh well, I suppose fertilization is as nonsensical as any other possible topic. Not something I’ve had to deal with, given the lack of sex in my life. Do I wonder about it? Of course I do. In a lot of ways I just want to see what it’s like. With you, with the same person I thought it would happen with for a long time, but that doesn’t seem to be an option, lately. Maybe I should realize that life is not like a dream and I shouldn’t have expectations, or hopes, or dreams. I should just pursue that which has happened, rather than what could have been or what should have been. What I wish had been. I should write more, but I don’t know anymore.

Maybe It’s the Wine

Or maybe it’s watching Dead Poets Society. I’ve gotten too caught up in living to be alive. I need to do more, be more. I need to stop rationalizing. I need to stop needing. I must do. I simply will do. I am doing. I have done. Now I will make changes. I have made changes. I am changing now, even as we speak. I won’t worry about it. I shall yell out a barbaric YAWP and embrace Mr. Whitman himself, following Mr. Thoreau to suck the marrow out of life. Living my life deliberately. Realizing the sheer power over myself and my life that I have. If I want to do something then I will do it. If I don’t do it, then I will stop making excuses and reevaluate myself and my desires. I will learn more piano music. I will learn more organ music. I will resolve the situation with the church. I will prepare music adequately for a recital to be performed some time next year. I will cause trouble. I will make people angry. I will make people happy. I will make people cry. I will make people feel. I will make them live. All that matters is that emotion is felt. I must force them to leave their time-honored traditions, their precious routines, their habits. I will force them to change their lives, for the better. If their lives go towards the worth accidentally, so be it. I will instigate, I will motivate, I will abdicate my unfortunate attributes. I will only embrace that which I wish truly to have within my life. If you want to come along with me on this trip, fine. If you don’t, then I will have to convince you to change your mind so that I will have some company to keep me warm in the cold bitter winter of our discontent. Made glorious by this summer of york, or some such bullshit. Passion, however passive it may be, should rule over my life. I will cut out those parts of my life that do not serve the greater good of my goals. This is my statement, my pledge to myself and to the world. I will inspire, I will achieve, I will amaze.